Very Small Feet

So I have never actually wrote about this ... not saying exactly what it is and how is it... and well it’s not easy.  About 2 years ago on a nice summer day we have been told, that my partner suspected and what I was in denial about that our little one has autism.  Everyone experiencing autism differently, and it is different for everyone. Spectrum is wide. Some have extra gifts like music or math, some cannot stand certain things, like wearing certain fabrics or maybe loud noises.... some like Egg don’t really speak.  There is no cure and it’s is not a disease...  There is a lot of learning and understanding to do. We are all getting better at this. Some days are great others not so much.  But he is a loving happy boy. He is now trying to talk and learns new things everyday...  My hubby is excellent at finding all these incredible audiobooks, can’t quiet read about it, on the subject. The best discovery so far was  The Reason I Jump by Naoki Higashida...

Last week I had not one but two interviews.  Busy week full of stress as you can imangine.  Had to present my self in the best light answer all the questions and such.  I felt it went well.  I was looking forward to be around grown ups and leave these two lunatics to them selves for two whole days and not only that little one would have attended nursery after preschool more.  I would have joined the gym...  For some reason I really build all this up in my head.  I got one no last Friday. I was ok with it, the second interview seems more successful and I was very excited about working with a big team... This morning however I got a very nice email about how I have scored very highly but they got some one a bit better...  Now I feel very down. Which is silly coz I am upset about something that is in my head...  So I must stay positive! But there was an unexpected outcome. Husband said watching me being frustrate...

So I think it has been year since I last laced up my trainers and went for a run.  So pretty much every day since about 5th of January I was trying to get my shit together and go for a run.  A wish to run was there but the motivation and the will power wasn’t. Also the storms were not fun!  So after few days of procrastination I have finally decieded it was time and put the run into school run, after dropping of Eggy to school I run home...  Putting my winter running gear after a year of no runs was a bit... I felt like a sausage, everything was very clingy, and a not tight. It might be due to the fact that I didn’t wear tight head to toe, and well I have put on a little bit of weight understandably.   In total I run just over 4km in about 25minutes...  I should and could have been faster. What I didn’t consider before I set off it that everything was icy. I had to really concentrate on where each foot went. At first it was not relaxing. Runs are there to c...

When my mum was here I finally cleared out my wardrobe... this was difficult.  After having Edgar my body obviously changes. And due to laziness and me not working I cannot justify gym nor I have time for it. Gosh sometimes I really miss it. I wouldn’t say I am super gym active or super sporty but I do miss that muscle ache you get after working out... same as I wouldn’t say I am super unfit. I walk a lot! But my body is a bit cuddlier than it used to be before I had Edgar. And it’s ok it’s natural even...  But this change also means that I am still holding on to clothes that are too small or uncomfortable to wear. I also have a big hoard of vintage dresses that either too small or in need of some TLC.  So I had to let go and actually admit that I am unlikely to lose weight or/and I won’t wear that skirt or that dress ever! And it is super hard. Some clothes were loving worn and had some events attached to them like my wedding dress. Or sourced when I lived in London or a...

In 2013 I completed my 1st ever hard obstical race , Survival of the Fittest. I had a blast.  And then this Sunday I did it again. With my friend Nora who in 2013 fell down next to me at the race and broke her leg. It was super hard for her to do this, mentally mainly.  But we did it together. We supported each other when it was needed mostly. She couldn't quiet get over one climby thingy I talked her throw it and when I was about to lie down on the floor and have a cry since 10k run turned out to be 12k run, she cheered me on and made me run.  I had a cold all week long prior to run. This is never good actually, anyone who ever run or did something physical. Last time I run after the cold it was when I wingged my way throw Birmingham half. The height of the stacks of bale scared me too. But I did them purely on will power, I can't jump high.   I enjoyed the event. Mainly because I had Nora with me to cheer me on and such. When I hi...

To rejoin the real world. Where people work. And where I won't be feeling like I am just a poop cleaner and such...  I am looking for a job. And it is hard. Well I haven't been too active but at least I apply for about 5 jobs a week or so. So far I got one awesome call that I've been head-hunted, which never happened to me before... but the job was in Birmingham. Chap found me before I updated my details...  I think I don't look for something unrealistic. I just was an admin or reception work in the office environment with 9-5 or similar work hours. But I do think the issue I have is that I have been only working in hospitality and some people don't seem to realise that this is also administrative work.  But hey, keep fingers crossed for me, coz this mama is going a bit mental just being a mama. There is one thing however that scares me a bit... Will I be ok not spending all my time with my little guy. Scary. Especially since I didn't know what to ...

I am glad my baby is a boy. It is easier for boys. I mean, no one will pay him less, or look at his chest when talking to him.... It is all about double standards. Man can get mad but if woman will get mad, she is nuts, emotional or hormonal. Or many other unpleasant labels.  So even if we are in the 21st century there is still place for gender inequality and sexism in general.  But then again it might be unfair on boys now... the girlies are being empowered all the time. Boys not so much...  And then I see this... I saw the billboard and something in the back of my mind bothered me.. I didn't know what it was at first. But then it hit me... Like with Marvel merchandise: no female characters on the poster.  I have been outraged about the Marvel and Disney merch already. I guess they never learn. I was just surprised by Sky Movies....  I do understand Black Widow and Scarlet Witch aren't the leads but neither is Hulk... Or Thor...  And then...

So what do you do? Do you love what you do? Does this fulfil you? .... I had a choice, stick with same girls I went to school with and be in the mainly females and study languages (at that point I truly had enough!) or go away to Switzerland to do degree in hospitality. Guess which one I chose... I was never encouraged to do things I wanted, nurtured... It is not the Russian way... I was to provide for my self as fast as I can and I did I loved my 1st placement for most of the time. I loved ladies I worked with, the customers. And they loved me back. But it was not to last. The hospitality industry is not an industry in UK. Even if you think about how much money is involved in it... Like entire Britain depends on it. Weatherspoons.... Wagamama... and many more.... But our waiters are students, people who don't care mainly.... but there are some that do and we need to appreciate a good service. I have been talking about this for a while now, some waiters are professionals ...