Thursday, 25 May 2017

Parenting Anxiety

Did you know that there is everyone thinks they are experts? Well yeah we all seen these so called friends offering an advice on any subject... 
But did you know how much pressure there is from the society on parents? And the judgment. So freaking much!
I am also guilty of that, I am working on that though. 
However this isn't a post about this. This is a post about me freaking out about my spirited toddler who woke up today before 5am. 

 

Edgar is now 2 and 8 months old. He is a happy, active boy, with a very strong personality... 
We are the only people around with a kid.
I speak Russian to him, when I don't forget... 
So Egg interacts better with adults and really not fussed on other kids. And he doesn't talk. He finds his way to get stuff he wants directing us and we can understand him. It would be a nightmare if we didn't. 
Oh and I don't work and hubby works all the time to support us. Basically with him being a chef and it is very difficult to find a job that would fit around childcare... 

 
So... our nursery is a bit concerned about these issues with little Egg man. Our health visitor referred us to speech therapy... it's truly wonderful to have so many resources on NHS but since these are on NHS wait and  time scales are ridicules. To get a proper advice and comments from a therapist they want to see him in nursery. And the only time they can come in to see him  is July! Two months from now. And Edgar been referred as priority.... 

And all of this makes me angry and super worried. I am certain that the kid just doesn't want to talk and doesn't want to play with kids just yet coz the adults are more interesting. 
I was mainly with adults and played by myself, I turned out ok. 
I am also worried with all this professionals around him looking for something unsual they will find it. 

And then I blame my self... 
I blame my self for not taking all the time to him. I blame my self for speaking Russian and for speaking not enough Russian. I blame myself for not being able to find work and that's why kid doesn't have a lot of nursery time (read other kid interaction). I blame myself for not ignoring all the mummy's cliques at play groups and stop going. I blame myself for everything. 

Welcome to mumming world! It is amazing and wonderful and yet terrible and isolating.... 

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