Very Small Feet

I am a lazy person. If I do not feel like going running I won't. I sort of wish I was more well committed to running! But it is also comes with the fact that I don't actually have time, not really. Hubby works silly hours to keep me at home before Egg goes to school. When little one is in nursery I either catch up on house work or I am studying. Sometimes I am so busy that I do not get to sit down till like 9pm and then ideally I need to be in bed around 10pm because the kid will be awake early ... so I give myself a permission to be lazy... also I am taking a year off races. I blogged about this before but it is something I still struggle with. And not only that... I feel a bit guilty that I don't run.  In a way I guess I gave myself a permission to be lazy.  But and here is a bit but... I guess. I like me better when I was a bit leaner. Not necessarily thinner but leaner more tonned.  (Big cheeks and very big hair) I haven't been light thin since I was 15 and I am Ok ...

Thinking oh it overall I have enjoyed being pregnant. Also I had an easy pregnancy and once I let go of that feeling that I have lost control over my body I was awesome! My body is amazing. However at the moment I find shopping for clothes and shoes an absolute nightmare. I have no idea what size I am. With shoes it is easy no real undressing involved. Just pop the shoe off and try try try.  But clothes... A lot of my pre Egg clothes don't fit which is, I have accepted, OK, I went throw major thing with producing a massive 9.4lb baby... So I am actually in need of new clothes. I started to look for stuff I can go to interview in, checked the clothes I had, I still have few things but I needed trousers and maybe a dress... Oh dear god! I know I am short that always been a struggle but finding trousers that fit around the waist and don't bobble up in front is actually almost impossible. And the high street shops are no help. Either I don't like he material, l...

I was very mad today... someone said to my mother that I could do with losing some weight.... And my mother being my mother and being outraged too told me. So here are my angry thoughts on the matter. Russian girls worship the beauty. Any beauty. Sometimes at any costs. I never was skinny, I always had curves, not lumps and bumps but very prominent hips and occasional belly. This is the way I am. And it is hard just to be able to accept it. And I am lucky to be with amazing man who doesn't care what shape I am and if I giggle and wiggle.  In my culture it is common for relatives to lay a hand with new addition to the family. Like my step dad's friends recently became grandparents and are at their daughter's almost every day. Well you know so she can have a shower and such I was told. I make do, for me to have shower alone with no one touching my belly button or shoving me around the bath tub is a rare treat... That said I truly miss the physical exertion of the go...